Why do we judge when mentoring
“We seek advice and we get (sic) judgments.” said an Indian entrepreneur at a dinner table at one of the startup events I had attended. Why does this happen? Why do we judge when mentoring?
Mentoring is a fine skill. It is not for everyone. A good mentor guides his/her mentee to solutions. Managing, on the other hand, is relatively operational by nature.
The three reasons why we judge when mentoring are:
- A parent-child relationship approach by the mentor
A parent-child relationship involves the full extent of a child’s development. The four types of parenting styles include: (i) authoritarian, (ii) authoritative, (iii) permissive/indulgent, and (iv) detached. A good mentor is one who engages his mentee with an adult-adult relationship approach.
- We behave like managers
A Mentor helps his mentee traverse the landscape at his job. Mentors help their mentees think through the most challenging problems, give a perspective on how to handle the challenging situations, and generally guide to success. Whereas, a manager not only guides but helps overcome obstacles to get the work delivered. Often times, as managers, a manager tends to become forceful or use hierarchy to get the work done. Poor managers, start owning the problem statement.
- We always had a latent desire – a dissatisfied ego state – to be entrepreneurs
If you are in this state, you start imagining it to be your business and your ‘advice’ is actually passing ‘judgements’ with plethora of solutions and do’s & don’ts.
Advice, by definition, is guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future actions. Entrepreneurs seeking advice, most times, are also aware of the possible solutions. Often, they reach out to validate their beliefs. Like mentorship, being a mentee is also a fine art.